Category: disabled and sexual

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Disabled and Sexual: We Don’t Want Ableists at our Sex Parties

Disabled and Sexual is a column by Hannah Shewan Stevens which explores all the challenges, comedy, and fun that disabled people experience as sexual beings, even while we are desexualised by a predominantly non-disabled society.

The desexualisation of disabled people is a tale as old as time. In my first column for The Unwritten, I outlined the historic battle disabled people have fought against rampant desexualisation. Sadly, the presumption that none of us are interested, or capable, of sex endures largely unchallenged and is now openly supported by fellow disabled people. The latest a Twitter user claiming to speak a thought preying on everyone’s mind,

Why would anyone bring a wheelchair user to a sex party? 

To state the obvious: disabled people are sexual beings. A physical, mental, developmental, or intellectual disability does not spell the end of sexual pleasure, romance, or partnered sex. 

If you’re one of the people who readily agreed with this hellishly rambling Twitter thread, then it’s time to broaden your horizons.

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Disabled and Sexual: Allowing Myself to be Vulnerable in Dating

Disabled and Sexual is a column by Hannah Shewan Stevens which will explore all the challenges, comedy, and fun that disabled people experience as sexual beings, even while we are desexualised by a predominantly non-disabled society.

I am in pain, like always. Except, now, I am lying in the dark beside someone that I barely know, wondering whether they are capable of handling the knowledge that every nerve in my body is screaming in agony. 

I can hear the subtle tug of breath that says they are seconds away from falling into a deep sleep. Part of me is thankful because I can mask symptoms far easier next to a sleeping partner, instead of a fellow insomniac. Another part feels the loneliness and frustration knocking at the door, informing me that they will be accompanying the pain until dawn breaks. 

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Disabled and Sexual: The Met Police Guidance on Women’s Safety is Useless to Disabled Women

british police lamp sign saying "metropolitan police"

TW:  This article discusses sexual violence, domestic abuse and abuse towards women and femmes, in particular disabled women and femmes. It also mentions police misconduct as well as the murders of Sarah Everard and Sabina Nessa. Please practice self-care. 

Disabled and Sexual is a monthly(-ish) column by Hannah Shewan Stevens which will explore all the challenges, comedy, and fun that disabled people experience as sexual beings, even while we are desexualised by a predominantly non-disabled society.

This month, the Metropolitan police’s misguided advice on women’s safety, reminded every woman and femme of the inescapable knowledge we live with daily: none of us are safe.

The Met advised anyone concerned about being approached by a lone male police officer to ring 999, “shout out to a passerby, run into a house or wave a bus down” for help. It also suggested quizzing the officer on their reasons for the stop. 

In the wake of the trial of Sarah Everard’s killer and the murder of Sabina Nessa, the police’s PR face has been an undeniable mess but for disabled folks, the latest advice felt particularly ignorant and exclusionary. 

A blind person cannot easily flag down a bus for help, a wheelchair user may not be able to run for their life and a non-verbal person is incapable of quizzing a police officer. 

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Disabled and Sexual: Disabled LGBTQ+ People Deserve to Feel Welcome in Queer spaces

Three disabled people, one is draped in a pride flag, the other two holding pride flags

Disabled and Sexual is a monthly(-ish) column by Hannah Shewan Stevens which will explore all the challenges, comedy, and fun that disabled people experience as sexual beings, even while we are desexualised by a predominantly non-disabled society.

If you took one look at a Pride parade or any of the capitalist Pride advertising during June, you’d be forgiven for assuming that disabled people are almost non-existent in the LGBTQ+ community. 

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Disabled and Sexual: How Internalised Ableism Gave me Sexual Imposter Syndrome

Disabled and Sexual is a new monthly(-ish) column by Hannah Shewan Stevens which will explore all the challenges, comedy, and fun that disabled people experience as sexual beings, even while we are desexualised by a predominantly non-disabled society.

In daily life, the words ‘I am an imposter’ play on an interminable loop in my head. Most of the time, I shrug them off and dive back into whatever I’m doing, but when those words pop up during sex they are much harder to ward off.

Those words are also the reason you’re reading my second column a lot later than I intended. The original theme of this month’s column was very different and although you will still read it in June, these words just had to come first.

Every time I sat down to write, I felt like the word ‘imposter’ was emblazoned across my forehead.

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Disabled and Sexual: How the Historical Desexualising of Disabled People Still Impacts Our Sexuality Today

Disabled and Sexual is a new monthly(-ish) column by Hannah Shewan Stevens which will explore all the challenges, comedy, and fun that disabled people experience as sexual beings, even while we are desexualised by a predominantly non-disabled society.

One of the most pervasive myths about disabled people is that we’re either incapable of or disinterested in sex. As a result, society desexualises us because people genuinely believe that no one could possibly find a disabled person sexy. Well, I’m here to tell you that they’re very wrong. 

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